My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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