I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
