I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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