chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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