I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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