If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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