I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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