I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
