hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
