i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
