all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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