genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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