Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
