Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
