he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
high people should be assigned attendants
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
