you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
