I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
