I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
