You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
