loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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