I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
