yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
