if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
3pm strippers are depressing
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
