he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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