I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
