I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i dont even know how to be here
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
