your thong is hanging out like whoa
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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