Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
