Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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