1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
