Can Purell be used as lube?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The beer is more important than you right now.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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