Kiss
Puke
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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