they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
