well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
