I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
