while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
What a dumb baby whore.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
