Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
