Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
