So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
