sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
