There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
