I never want to see another naked old woman again.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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