a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
