Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
