I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
