C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
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