I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
