The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
