Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
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