Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
