why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
