When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
