trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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