well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
