at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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